Here's a dirty secret- Nobody cares about your appearance as much as you do. Seriously, it's true. Think of it this way: How much time do you spend in front of the mirror inspecting some body part, say your skin? I know I can easily spend 10 minutes at a time doing just that. And judging from the huge skincare market, I'm not the only one. Now, when is the last time you spent 10 minutes inspecting someone else's skin? What about 5 minutes? Hell, what about 2 minutes? Chances are, you've probably spent less than 30 seconds inspecting someone else's skin. Why? Well for one thing, it would be socially unacceptable, but also, why should you care enough to bother?! I don't! I'd rather listen to what someone has to say than stare at the size of their pores. It's just a fact. As humans, we are way more critical of ourselves than we are of others. This isn't because we're self-absorbed - though many people are - it's just because it's human nature to be self-critical.
Once you accept this fact, it becomes a lot easier to accept things that you don't like about your body. Sure, you don't like your big hips, but they look great on Beyonce, right? It's easier to like the same attributes that you hate on yourself when they are on other people. Take this knowledge and use it. Find someone beautiful who shares your physical "flaw" and write down why you think it looks good on them. These are the same reasons it looks good on you. Learn to love it! Big eyebrows? Look at Ali Michael. Long chin? It looks good on Sarah Jessica Parker, right? Big lips? See Angelina Jolie. Curves? America Ferrera. These so-called flaws are what makes the appearances of these celebrities unique and recognizable. Remember that.
This technique worked for me. I have a rather large nose that I have always been embarrassed about. Then I saw a big-nosed model in a Taryn Rose ad...
...and I thought she was beautiful. I thought her nose added to her beauty, because it gave her a regal appearance, made her face more interesting, and made her stand out from all the other models with tiny noses.
Well, you know what? My nose does the same thing for me. And I like it a lot better now that I've thought it through.
Learn to love your "flaws." The end.
P.S. Gala Darling always has inspiring "love yourself" articles if you want to read more of this sort of thing.
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This has been an inspirational post instigated by the endless complaining of a gorgeous friend.
Friday, October 12, 2007
How to Accept Your Body and Move On
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19 comments:
It took me a while (probably until midway through high school) but I finally accepted my face 'irregularities' and all. I've got a schnozz on me, too, but I really can't imagine myself any other way and really don't want to try. I think part of it is personal pride and part of it is tied up in ethnicity as well--I mean, the way some people of color have hacked at their faces (the Jacksons, Lil'Kim, Vivica Fox) makes you realize that all of the money in the world can't fix self-hatred. And God forbid I be that way.
I've been coming to terms with my body at the pace of one body part a year, it seems:) This spring it was my calves, hence why I can finally wear dresses.
ambika- I totally agree. You go girl! (I really can't pull that phrase off, can I?)
the grey- You look great in dresses, so I'm glad you finally decided to wear them!
kori - once my MIL started using that phrase, nobody can pull it off anymore! lol
Awesome post! I had that revelation a few years ago: I was driving down the street and noticed a very glamorous-looking lady walking down the sidewalk. Then I noticed that her thighs were about twice the size of mine. That's when I figured out that nobody is staring at my thighs, thinking I look fat, everyday like I am.
That woman is truly gorgeous (the model)!! Actually, as I was scrolling down quickly, this was the ONLY picture that cought my attention. She has an unique beauty, but still remains very feminine and gentle..it's exotic! I love that in a woman (I'm a guy).
So yes, do embrace your flaws ladies. It makes a much stronger statement than fussing over them does ;)!
Thank you so much for this article.i happen to have a large nose too that has a bump, but ive learned that it adds to my appearance. When i become unhappy with it, i just concentrate on my good features-my eyes and lips. Thanks again
i always thought i was ugly and that erybody thinks so too but when you wrote about nobody caring it made me realize that i was being too selfish and waisting my time and selfesteem on the unattractive features of my rather then the attractive! thanks you should write more on this topic and post it somewhere!!!
Thank You! I´m from Sweden and I just read your text, my noose is big, but I`m learning to like/love myself.
More now when I read your text.
Thanks! Cecilia
Thank you so much for posting this :) I have really bad self-esteem & I criticize myself every five minutes. This article helped me feel better. It really makes sense. I bet even the most beautiful person in the world is insecure about their "flaws." Like Audrey Hepburn! She is the most beautiful person in the world, and she found flaws in her feet, nose, teeth, etc. I love her :)
Kori, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for writing such real articles that all women can identify with. God bless you.
I love this blog. When I was younger (especially like, seventh grade) I used to wear a lot of make up to cover up everything I hated about my face. Then around the end of eighth grade I finally looked in the mirror when I didn't have make up on, and I thought, "Huh. I don't look that horrible. What happened?" I kind of grew into my nose a little more, as strange as it sounds, and noticed that I have really pretty eyes, and my skin is very clear. I don't wear as much make up anymore, and I've gotten so many more complements on how I look now.
You are right about all this , & it has helped me a little bit more too .
I always have felt like people who are to the side of me are staring at my nose. it's not even that bad anymore because my face has grown into it a lot more since around middle school when the bone started to get large.
i want to be a model but my fear has been my nose size. i would feel like they would tell me my nose is too big since most models all have the same tiny button nose.
but it is SO true that if you have a different attribute , it really does add to your character & uniqueness! so i am going to stay strong and not let what some people might say or think affect me. im not getting a nose job. i want to find an agency that will accept me for how i am.
thank you . [=
When I was 10-12 I had big issues with how I looked, my nose was too wide, my calves too big, my hair was out to get me. Then, I realized that it doesn't matter if you're "ugly" or not, and it's really shallow to be preoccupied with that kind of thing. Now, I think I just kind of look normal, maybe kinda pretty.This is a good article, by the way.
Good post.
I wonder what we could do, if every girl spent her body-hating time pondering ways to bring about world peace, etc.
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Nice post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.
I came across this post via your posts about having a pixie hair cut and how to grow one out (god bless google). I've been passing it on to friends everytime they complain about the things about themselves that they hate, that nobody else has ever even noticed :)
I think I came to this revelation a few years ago, that I would be happier accepting myself, than continually punishing myself for not living up to the 'standard ideal'. Life has been much better ever since :)
i do agree with your point that nobody cares much about the appearance but only you yourself. normally other persons cares about the people who is "INFRONT" of them not the physical aspect but also how they jive with their attitude.
I once read a quote in an interview with a French actress who said that French women don't hide their flaws, they draw attention to them; showcase them. I love that.
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